Em has some Idea

Winter 2007 -2008

2008-02-17T23:59:44Z

Hello all!

It's time for another exciting update from your favorite relative/ friend/ or person you hardly know!

Where to start? Winter Break was very nice. I signed on for a week of Snorkeling and Studying in Miami Beach with Bais Chana, Florida on January 1st. But the adventure started a few days before that...

The first question was how to get to Florida? I had just been listening to a radio program on NPR, which asked us not to use airplanes. The carbon emissions from one airplane, for one flight, do an incredible amount of damage to the environment. (Carbon dioxide leads to Global Warming). But, people kept asking me, is it really worse than driving for 20 hours to get to the same place?? Surely that has to be pretty bad for the environment too. So I did some research. I checked out Low Carbon Lifestyle. Yes. Flying is MUCH WORSE than driving your car the same distance. But even better to take a bus or carpool. And even better than that is to take a train.

I chose to take a train to Florida. The day before my train, there was a snowstorm. We have a snow ordinance in New Paltz - no cars on the streets after 2 inches of snowfall. I left my car on the street. I was going to move it first thing in the morning, and figured the worst thing that would happen is I would get a ticket. I awoke at 5 in the morning to flying lights outside my window. They were towing every car on the block! It was too late for me. I would have to go to the police station in the morning to see where they had put my car.

So, the day I left for Florida, I spent all morning running around New Paltz in the fresh snow trying to bail my car out of jail. (You have to go to the police station to see where they've taken it, to the tow place to pay for the tow, to the police station to prove you've paid, and then back to the tow place to get your car). Thank G-d I bothered though - it would have been 50 a day to leave it there!

Then off on my adventure. Bus to Manhattan - wandered around for a bit trying to find Port Authority - and on route to Miami.

Train is a lovely way to travel. I did some sewing, shmoozed with the other passengers, went off to look at Capital Hill when we stopped in D.C., played a lot of cards... and thought about saving the world...

Here's what I thought. I am not going to use airplanes anymore. I am going to cut down on how much I drive. I am going to buy less stuff - especially that which requires a lot of manufacturing. I am going to find out what else I should do. And then I am going to tell people what I am doing and why. I am going to tell people on the the train why I am taking the train. I am going to tell people whenever I can, and I am going to make a website to tell more people. Here is the beginning - http://integrategoodlife.110mb.com

Bais Chana was awesome. But not what I expected. The weather turned cold as soon as we got to Florida (60's from the 80's they had been experiencing). It was almost like Hashem was trying to keep us inside, at our classes. The first break we had, me and a few others went on an epic walk. We walked 50 blocks each way! I should not have gone in sandals. On the way back, we ran to try to make it to class on time. The running in sandals bruised my feet. They hurt to stand or walk on for almost two weeks after. Every day in Miami, I awoke to the most beautiful scene imaginable. Our hotel overlooked the ocean and sunrise. I davened on the balcony, the wind welcoming me, glorying in the world Hashem creates. But my feet told me not to go play. To sit and learn.

The classes were very good. I came worried that the information would be too basic, that I would already know these things. But somehow the classes were both basic, and deep. Getting at my mind and soul the way others classes had not. I had a few breakthroughs that week.

One was belief. I have always struggled with belief in G-d. I feel inexplicably drawn to Judaism. I love the system – turning being good into a way of life. Not when you feel like it – but constantly being pulled back so that you never fall too far away. But I have struggled with G-d. How do I know G-d is real? You can’t convince me. I have had such tiring discussions with Chabad Rabbis – with their Chachma, Binah, Daas (Insight, Logic, and Understanding) - trying to logically convince me of the existence of G-d. Trying to make the mind tell the heart what is real. It never works. There are things I can’t be convinced of from the mind down. Rabbi Manis Freedman talked about how we know what is real. That different people listen to different pieces of themselves. Mozart could write masterpiece symphonies, but when he wanted to “get real” he slept around, drank and partied. The only reality he knew was what he could smell, taste, touch. Einstein made out a prenupt to his fiancé. Not for money – he wanted to make it clear that he had no affection to offer and should expect none. To him, emotions simply were not REAL. There are others to whom ONLY the emotions are real.

And then there is FAITH. What is faith? It is when your soul tells you what is real. It is not everything. To live purely on faith is as broken as to live purely on sense, or intellect, or heart. The point is we take from all sides to know what is real in this world. My soul tells me that G-d is real. I thought I didn’t believe, simply because my soul has not convinced my mind. My soul still has not convinced my mind. While G-d is one, I am fragmented, in so many pieces that do not always listen to each other. I long for the day when I am whole again.

What else? Many things I took away from that weekend. I had a great time. I don’t think I’ve ever been surrounded by such a genuinely nice, considerate group of people. All jumping to help if someone is in need. I got a facebook profile to keep in touch with them, but now I feel so far away. I don’t know how to fix this, because I don’t miss any one person. I miss everyone. How do I reunite with everyone?

After Bais Chana I spent some time with my family (Judy, Ryah, Nancy, and Rod) in Ft. Lauderdale and they threw me a surprise birthday party! It is nice to spend time with my cousin Ryah and my ‘Auntie’ Judy. Judy was there for me during a very hard time in my life. I am continually grateful to her.

I returned to New Paltz Friday, January 11th. The following day was my Soo Bahk Do Retesting (for my Second Degree Black Belt). I had only found out about it while in Florida, leaving me no time to practice (especially because it still hurt to walk). I spend Friday night practicing for the Retest. Some problems with Pyong Ahn E Dan (Huri and Kicking), and some kicking. Saturday I drove to Binghamton for the retest. A bunch of the girls at Bais Chana go to Binghamton. But I didn’t stop in – it didn’t seem right. The retest was easy. I feel confident I passed. Sa Bon Nim (my instructor) told me that it is rare to fail someone at the retest. It was strange to break Shabbos so soon after Bais Chana, possibly for the last time in my life, but this was something I was determined to finish. A goal on par with graduating college, and equally important to my future.

At the Retest, I spoke with Sa Bon Nim Frampton – the Regional Examiner that conducted my Kyo Sa Test (Instructors Certification). He also wanted retesting from me. For the next two weeks, I went to his studio in Newburgh to practice teaching techniques on students five to adult, white to red belt. The children were the hardest for me. Even though I had been recommended for Kyo Sa by my instructor, I have had little experience with young children. There simply aren’t any at our school.

I learned a lot about how to address them. Keep a faster pace; less stretching, more exercise; teach things one step at a time; add in fun game-like activities. I still need a lot of practice, but that is not who I am planning to teach. At least not right now. For all ages, I practiced connecting with each student. Don’t be afraid to correct them – they want to do it right. Lots of little things that will make me a better teacher. At the same time I was not at my best. I dislike being thrown in and told: teach this! I want to plan my lessons; know how much time I am going to have to teach something; not wonder, at any moment, will my students be called away and replaced by a different bunch?

Sa Bon Nim Frampton says I’m pretty much done, whenever my Sa Bon Nim says I’m ready. My Sa Bon Nim says I’m ready. So now I think I’m just waiting for… I’m not sure. These thing take a while, but the outlook is good.

Sunday, January 13th was my friend Zahava’s wedding. Beautiful. And wonderful. And sweet. And filled with people I love. I tried to entertain the bride (it’s the traditional thing to do) with juggling and being silly.

The rest of Winter Break – before and after everything – was spent building the Chabad House. So much fun!! Me and my brother demolished the kitchen together – used crowbars to tear plaster and slats off the walls. I put up a bunch of sheetrock under the leadership of Rabbi Itche. I love jobs where I can look at the end of the day and see concretely the difference my hard work has made.

Now school. School is cool. I’m taking… Etymology and Morphology, Hebrew 2, Proof 1 and Microbiology. It’s a pretty easy semester and I spend most of my time thinking about things other than my classes. Maybe that means it really is getting to be time I graduated. I am trying to fulfill my role as Chabad of New Paltz Student President, (almost) Kyo Sa in Soo Bahk Do, dutiful resident of planet Earth, and generally be a good person.

My big question in life is where I will be living when school ends (Monsey?). And of course, what I will be doing. I want to teach Soo Bahk to Jewish women, but I’m not sure how feasible that really is. We will see.

You will just have to wait for the next episode in….

Life Keeps Happening!

Update on my life

2007-11-02T03:21:58Z

Hiya friends and family,

I thought it was time to say something about my life recently.

Let's see... Over the summer, I worked on a boat called the Roseway. Basically, I was a sailor. I checked the bilges, piloted the ship, raised the sails (all done by hand), and did a lot of sanding and painting. While on the boat, we went to sea! We went down to Norfolk Virginia for their Harvest Festival. Three days on fairly calm waters, though they were rough for a newby like me. I think the biggest waves were about ten or twelve feet. Sometimes I slid around in my bed, but they told me that wasn't so bad, at least I didn't get thrown out of bed! However, after two weeks they told me that I was more inexperienced than they realized and they would only keep me as a volunteer. It was too much work to do for free, so I bid adieu and came home

Well, sort of. I went to Monsey and joined a friend in Seminary (a summer program for Jewish learning) for a few weeks. I learned a bunch, and had a great time, but Monsey is a difficult place for me to be for long periods of time.

I spent the rest of the summer between Monsey and helping my Dad and Pam move in to their new house (more sanding and painting).

In August I went on vaction in Florida. I had a really good time and it gave me a break from my housing problems. Oh, by the way, I was having housing problems. I don't want to get into the details, but when I returned, I decided the best solution was to move. I moved through the first few weeks of school and it was pretty hectic.

As soon as I started to feel moved in, two events hit: a slough of Jewish holidays, and preparation for my martial arts instructors certification. The holidays were great, but they took a lot of time out from school work and certification preparation. I had a chance to visit Bea and Marty (and see Itai again), and I spent Succos with Martin and family in D.C.

When the holidays were finally over, I realized that I had only two weeks before my big certification test, and was sorely behind in Microbiology. Also, I had five 1000 word essays to write before the martial arts test. I wasn't sure if I could do it. In the end, I withdrew from Microbiology and found new essay writing powers I didn't know I had.

The martial arts exam (in Soo Bahk Do) was two weeks ago. The test was three days long. They want only the best certified instructors, so they were pretty rough on us. The first two days were pretty much the same. We practiced the details of technique of every move and sequence we know. We were corrected on several things at once and expected to implement the corrections immediately. In the evenings, we taught classes to adults and children of various levels and were critiqued. We got done about eight and then had to work on a group essay project. It took the better part of both nights. This was the crazy part of the test. They work it out so that we do not have time to eat or sleep (We had dinner at around midnight both nights).

By the third day, I was pretty dead. I went to sleep at 1AM and got up at 5AM to drive to another location. Then commenced the more official part of the test. An examiner role played with us to see how we would teach various students. For some that was the end. I still had another portion of the test to go. In order to be a certified instructor, I must be a second degree black belt. I was testing for my second degree black belt as well. It would have been an easy test if I had been fresh. As is, I don't think I did very well. Some of you may know, I handle sleep and food deprivation very poorly. I would go so far as to say it is my biggest weakness.

Did I pass? I have no idea. It could be months before I find out. But it's done. My belief is that they wouldn't make me do it again. If anything, they may have some additional tasks for me to complete - nothing of that magnitude.

So now, I am catching up on school work and on life. My four remaining classes are pretty easy, so I'm doing okay. I am really enjoying them. Especially linguistics. Linguistics is the study of language, but what does that mean? Well it is an introductory course, so I am learning what the areas of language study are: Phonetics - the study of sound formation, Phonology - the study of how a lauguage speaker groups sounds (in English S and SH are considered contrastive - sip and ship are completely different words, but in Japanese S and SH are used depending on the following vowel and cannot distinguish words), Morphology - how words are constructed, Syntax - how sentences are contructed, Semantics - the literal meaning of words and sentences, and Pragmatics - the contextual meaning of sentences. I find linguistics fascinating to study in conjunction with actual languages. One semantics exercise and I understand the b and v of Spanish that I have been pronouncing wrong all this time. Why can't they tell us these things in our language classes?

Anyway, that's what's up now. I go to class, work (I babysit for four kids ages five and under and do audio visual stuff on campus), practice Soo Bahk Do, and do Shabbos. And somehow the Rabbi has roped me in to doing a bunch of event planning (probably has something to do with me being on the Board). I just got 987$ for Shabbos 100 on Nov 30th. Woot!

That's all for now,

Hope all is well with you

Emily

My Life

2007-09-10T17:27:28Z

Today:

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.5
Mind:	7.4
Body:	8
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	2.4
Love:	2.3
Finance:	8.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

April 21, 2006

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.7
Mind:	7.7
Body:	8.4
Spirit:	8.8
Friends/Family:	2.9
Love:	1.5
Finance:	6.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

And this was my result on October 31, 2005:

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.6
Mind:	7.3
Body:	9.1
Spirit:	6.7
Friends/Family:	2.6
Love:	0
Finance:	6.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

From the Boat

2007-05-31T00:32:00Z

Hey,

This is Emily, writing to you from the Roseway! My first day as a sailor has gone well. If you didn't check out the link to the Roseway in the previous post, you should. This is where I'll be calling my home for the next three months. Today we sanded and painted the gaff and boom of the fore and main. (The gaff and boom are the big pieces run perpendicular to the mast and hold the sail open.) I had a good time, and am feeling pretty comfortable aboard. This week is maintenance. Next week we go to Virginia for a couple of days - for the tall ships festival. Then back here for day sails for half the summer. Then up to Nova Scotia. I'll add some pictures in a bit...

My love to all,

Emily

Craziness

2007-05-27T16:19:35Z

Let's see, crazy couple of weeks. Tuesday the 15th I planned to move in to my new apartment. I moved over half of my stuff in, then gave up for the day because I had a major Organic Chemistry test to study for. Studied till 2:00 AM, camped out at my old apartment (I had already moved my bedding, so I threw a sleeping bag on my mattress), Awoke inexplicably at 6:00AM so I figured I might as well study some more. Test at 8:30AM. Out at 10:30AM. Had really bad allergies on Wednesday, tried to hide from the world. Got phone calls from both landlords. One wanted rent, the other wanted to get rid of me... Found my way back outside. Paid my new landlord. My dad came and helped me move the last few items and clean the apartment up a bit (Thanks, Dad). Moved some stuff in my new apartment, left most of it in my car, went out for dinner.

On Thursday, I studied for my evolutionary theory test. Then took it. Thursday and Friday I moved the rest of the stuff in from my car and cleaned and rearranged my new apartment. (Still needs alot of work). Shep kept me company. I had three guests for Shabbos (difficult when I was only half moved in) one of which was four, so that was quite busy. (We went to the Rabbi's for meals).

Sunday... Sunday I went to my friend's graduation party in Monsey, and waited anxiously to hear about another friend's test. She passed. HaRah! Congrats, friend!

Monday I was sick and didn't get anything done. Read Interview with a Vampire.

Tuesday the Rabbi convinced me to go the Morristown for Shavuos. That is also the day I got an unexpected email. About a month ago I sent out a bunch of emails with my resume, trying to get a sailing job for the summer. I got a few responses, but nothing too promising. I eventually gave up. Then on Tuesday I get this email: Can you start next week?? Wha? Um, yeah, I guess so... So I say yes, then run off to Shavuos not really knowing what the status of this thing is (No phones, no email etc. on Shavuos). So I stop by Lindy's and say I'm not sure I will be around to help her move after all (she was going to borrow my car). She says, how about now?? So Tuesday afternoon, we load all her stuff into my car (in between me doing laundry - because I have no nice clothes for Shavuos), and move her out into the campground for the summer (She's going camping all summer). 5:00PM I head for Morristown.

I had never been to Morristown before. I had a good time (I stayed by the Wiess's). All the guys stay up learning on the first night of Shavuos. I wanted to stay up too. The Rabbi said he would try to find out where the girls would be learning. He couldn't find them (maybe there wasn't anything organized), so he sent me next door to the Dubinski's. They have four girls around my age (One of whom is getting married today!!). Some of the girls stayed up with me a while learning Tanya. I had a really good time.

All in all, it was a good holiday. Thursday night something strange happened. As I walked back to my host's house after Havdala, I saw a deer walking into the woods followed by a tiny fawn. I crossed the street and saw the fawn had walked back out of the woods, and was crossing the street towards me. I tried to shoo it back into the woods. Cars were coming. I stood in the middle of the road so the cars would see me a slow down. Still trying to shoo the fawn back into the woods. In it's panic, it couldn't get over the curb. I wish I had grabbed it and placed it in the woods. Anyway - it managed not to be roadkill, but ran off in a completely different direction than it's mother. I looked for it, but it was lost in the grass and bushes. I just hoped it's mother would find it.

Friday morning, as I go to leave, I spot it in a terrible place for a fawn. Wandering along a suburban lawn, not near any woods. So I catch it. Yes, I catch it. I put it in my car and call animal control to see what can be done for it. It takes a while to get the number, then get ahold of them. Finally, they tell me to just put it back where I found it. I argue with the people on the phone. I know that most animals that are "rescued" are better off left alone. This animal really was lost. I saw it get separated from it's mother. I saw it wandering in a place no deer belongs. But I have no better plan for it if they can't help me. So I put it back where I found it. Right in the middle of someones yard. It runs off between the houses. Five minutes later, I get a call from my Rabbi. He has spotted a deer that looks like it is searching for a child. What can I do? I've let it go and am halfway out of town. I hope they find each other. I hope they find each other before the baby wanders into the street.

Friday. Friday morning (before I spot the fawn) I get an email back from Abbey Kidder, Captain of the Roseway in Boston. She wants me there on Wednesday the 30th! I'm gonna be a sailor! I talked to my relatives out there, and am going to head up Tuesday afternoon, so I can get to the boat early on Wednesday.

Then I leave Morristown and head for Monsey. I spend Friday visiting with a friend. It was great to see her again. For Shabbos, I stay by another friend in Monsey. She has three kids: five, seven, and seven years old. Everyone was wonderful.

Today I am back here. I have just two days to get ready to leave for the whole summer. I am nervous about my new job. What if I'm a terrible sailor and they hate me? That kind of thing... Sigh. It'll probably be lots of fun though.

Well, that's the jist of it. I move into a new apartment, and my whole life gets wild and unpredictable.

Ouch.

2007-05-22T15:29:23Z

Orgo grading policy:

90 and above A

87.5-89 A-

85-87.4 B+

My grade = 87.43

I can't quite believe it!

2007-05-22T00:55:16Z

I sent out 16 emails to sailing vessels about a month ago. I got a little bit of a response, but nothing so promising. I lost alot of steam, and kind of gave up on the idea. Now, all of a sudden ships are contacting me again. I may be off to Boston next week. This is so crazy. I can't really put my head around it!

em_now @ 2007-05-17T22:39:00

2007-05-18T02:44:35Z

Well, I'm moved in! I'm still in New Paltz but I have a new place. Done with finals and now unpacking/ redecorating. I don't really have plans for the summer, but I'm pretty sure it will happen anyway. I think I'm going to get an A in Evolution, an A- in Organic Chem, an A- or B+ in Modern World, and an A? in Seminar in Bio. I really didn't want to move, but I think I'm going to be happy in this new place.

em_now @ 2007-04-30T16:26:00

2007-04-30T20:27:32Z

http://ask.metafilter.com

biology is easy

2007-04-30T18:26:44Z

So I think I inadvertently picked the easiest major this school has to offer. If you think about it, any non-science major is going to require writing alot of essays. Any other science major: Chemistry, Physics, Engineering, will require alot of math. Or some sort of math/science hybrid beast. Complicated though. I hear about these classes where the best grade on the test is a 30. Biology doesn't really require much writing, or much technical stuff. It's all concept classes. Which can be hard if you have trouble with that sort of thing, but is inarguably less work. We don't even have to do a senior project to graduate. I'm not sure why that is. Some one dropped the ball on that.

I feel bad. I picked biology because it seemed interesting. And it is, but I wanted a challenging major. Because I'm good enough. I want to excel at something difficult. Instead I'm excelling at something easy. I wish I was a little more self motivated. I could make it into something. I don't want to graduate yet. There is so much more I want to know. We'll see what happens after I graduate. (Dec). I could make an effort to keep studying things.

the no longer interesting narrative.

2007-04-30T03:58:16Z

Well, my seven page book report is done. I hate when teachers ask for high-school level work, but in college proportions. Who wants to write a seven page book report?? It is seriously one of the most boring assignments I've ever done. Not hard, but so boring, it was hard to get around to. I mean, he didn't ask for a book report per se, but it seems like that's what he wants. He doesn't want our opinion. He has some kind of checklist in his head of topics we should cover, and we get points according to how many of them we can hit. Which is why my seven page book report is ten pages. I was trying to guess what he would consider important. I don't have a clue if I completed the assignment as he would like, but I should get a passing grade on it. Thus passing the course, and getting rid of this stupidity for ever more...

By the way, I love Pandora.

Love and Politics

2007-04-20T04:13:11Z

I have found I enjoy attending meetings of the Republicans. It reminds me to find love for everyone. Ahavath kol hagoyim. I know it isn't the halacha, but I believe in it. Love everyone. That when you can sit down and talk to your political "enemy" and find out why they feel the way they feel, you might not agree, but it starts to deconstruct the monster you have made them out to be. Sometimes you find the same values, but different beliefs on the best course of action. Sometimes you find different values. This is harder. But when you make it center of your values to love even those with different values (including that one), it is not so hard to do.

I found it interesting to hear what one person thought about Feminism. He said he supported Women Empowerment but not Feminism. That in his sister cannot go outside without head to toe covering (she is Indian, but I'm not sure if she is IN India). This is terrible affront to human rights and needs to be addressed. Whether a female CEO in America makes as much money as a male CEO is not important. That is a personal struggle and not cause for a movement. He believes Feminists waste their time on mundane struggles when there are real problems in this world. A Feminist would argue that these two problems are linked in the minds of the oppressors. That if you can devalue women in one circumstance, you can do it in another. He disagrees. He thinks these two problems have nothing to do with each other.

I don't know if these two problems are linked. It might be impossible to know for sure. But I don't buy the "bigger fish to fry" argument. Just because you think there are bigger problems, doesn't mean you ignore all smaller ones, lest they grow, lest they ARE linked. Just because you chose to focus on other problems, doesn't mean some one else is wrong to focus on one that is not in YOUR top ten. It is hard for me to argue for the CEO, but this problem existed throughout the workforce. When a single mother cannot buy food for her children because she is not making as much money as a man would for the same job, it MATTERS.

So, while I think he's wrong, he isn't a woman-hater. He's just wrong. As far as I can figure.

That was a case where we both have the same value, just different belief on the best course of action. As I said, it's harder when there is a different fundamental value. I haven't quite figured that out yet. Some alien values I've come across:

"Human Progress" is important enough to allow some people to live in Poverty.

If your job is Spiritual Progress, you can leave Environmental Protection to others.

The guy from the above conversation, I can love, I can understand, but I can't agree with. The people with those alien values, I can love, but I cannot understand. There is no grounds on which to agree or disagree. There is no logical argument that can be made.

I guess it doesn't really matter. There are several lifetimes of argument among people's VIEWS (I emphasize "views" because even those with alien values, have many of the same values as well) I CAN understand. There are lifetimes of argument to figure out what approach is best. And I don't even like to argue much. So for the others, the best I can do is love them anyway.

Counting Ships

2007-04-12T07:41:24Z

So, I just stayed up til 3:30 AM sifting through sailing internships and jobs. I'm a little loony I guess. At least if I'm going to stay up, I was doing something useful... Or at least if I'm going to pull an all nighter, it was kinda fun... There's another girl in the Honors Center at this crazy hour. I doubt she would choose to be here if she could be sleeping. Ah, well. So, I sent out 16 emails with my resume to Ship Captains and the like. All over the country. This should be interesting...

Today is nice

2007-04-11T22:20:06Z

Helloo all,

Let's see... Pesach was good. I found it interesting to find that without chametz in my diet, I was hungry, but not moody like I normally get when hungry. It made me hungry to change my life. So that's good. I started a workout routine. But then I twisted my ankle doing jump kicks...

I finally did my speech for Seminar in Biology. I did pretty good. And the teacher said he's not going to count my earlier lousy presentation against me. That he expects us to improve as time goes on. That's the point.

Night before last I got hardly any sleep (Got enchanted by Enchantment - Orson Scott Card). Yesterday I found myself far more social than when I'm fully awake. I actually talked to my classmates and stuff. Last night I stayed up most of the night on coffee studying for my Orgo test. I am starting to really like Orgo. Too bad the semester will soon be over. I think I did really well on my test today. I got 5 hours of sleep and had a much better day than usual. This is strange. Is it possible I sleep too much?? Or is this a temporary benefit that will quit on me if I keep trying it??

Hey want to see what I do at work?? I made this. Well, I didn't make the website. I wrote the classroom instructions and took the pictures. There are a few errors from the person who uploaded them, but that's the gist of it. Mostly at work, I set up equipment, but I took on this instruction writing project, and here it is!

Summer

2007-03-30T20:54:33Z

I am so frustrated. I have been receiving a list of interesting internships, but I keep putting off looking at them. Today I sat down to look at them, and found that I missed the due dates. I knew that was a risk, but I didn't think I would miss ALL the due dates. So many nice places I won't be going this summer. Also worrisome, because now that I'm graduating soon, I may not have opportunities for internships after this summer... I wonder what I will do this summer. :(

!!!

2007-03-18T03:20:57Z

I have just discovered there are books you can buy online that completely skip that pesky "publishing" phase. You pay a couple of bucks, and they give you the pdf file! How awesome for writers!

I found a book for $3.15 that I would like to buy, but since it is from a internet site I have never heard of before, how can I safely pay for it?

...hmmm...

Daughter of the Trees

2007-03-15T03:12:38Z

I just went to a Dar Williams concert/ student speak out.

Social change means more to me than religion, but it's harder to get into. If I can eat kosher, I can buy food that is healthful and good for the world. If I can keep Shabbos, I can devote one day a week to a cause. I can quit driving, use second hand clothing, take more time to remind myself why this world is worth saving.

For a while, I lamented my mother giving up the heritage of her (and my) name for Goodlife. No, Goodlife is my name. After the concert/ speakout, Dar signed a flyer for me. She liked the name "Goodlife." I told her that my mother chose it for herself. I was so shy. She wanted to talk, and I wanted to run away. I should have told her that my mother was born Lorna Swartz and died Trees Goodlife. I am not Eta bas Etna, I am Eta bas H'Aits.

At this speakout, my peers told me that we are not living in the age of cynicism. That it is a lie told to us to keep us complacent. That the age of revolution does not lie in the past. It is here. It is now. Then why can I not find it?? Why do I feel like I was born too late, missed the boat? Before my mother died, she started to tell me about the sixties. Like it was something she still had to teach me, but the semester had ended and she would have to give me a crash course. I long to know what my mother was planning to teach me next.

I remember my mother's rage when insurance circumstances almost cost her her drivers license near the end of her life. She told them she was to die in a few months and she hadn't yet taught her daughter how to drive! What lessons did I miss out on? She was in my dreams last night. We talked for a long time, but I don't remember what was said. I only remember the end of the dream, when some of my relatives said she was lost/crazy and haunting the house. I wish I had woke up before that so I could have remembered something useful instead.

I don't know how to motivate myself to be who I want to be. I'm not always sure who I want to be. I can understand living my little life, and trying to be nice to people. I don't understand how to live a big life. One where I change the world. I don't want to leave school and sit on the Washington lawn until the war is called off. I want to effect big changes, but I am not willing to do anything big. Maybe I don't really want to make big changes. Maybe I am terrified of the fact that I could change the world.

Debate

2007-03-09T02:50:41Z

So I have to argue against euthanasia in biology class next Tuesday. I thought I'd share with you what I have so far. (By the way, this is not necessarily how I feel. It's called a debate.)

I’d like to talk about the value of life. The stance for euthanasia assumes that the life of a sick, suffering, or disabled person is worth less than the life of a healthy person. They come into the hospital feeling weak. They can no longer be a productive member of their family. They are a financial drain. They may be given a week or a month or a year to live. They feel useless. What they need most is someone to tell them that they are still important. Instead, they are told, “You are right. You’re life IS useless. I will help you end it.”

How do the pro-euthanasia doctors devalue life? By putting a time limit on it. When a doctor tells someone he has a month to live, people will start to treat you like you are already dead. *Example here.* From here, it seems okay to commit what would be the worst crime on someone who doesn’t have a “ticking clock.” The rationalization is that if they are going to die soon anyway, what difference does it make? It makes a HUGE difference. We will all die in the next hundred years. Does that make it okay to kill us today?? At what time limit is it okay to “speed up the process”? If you can kill someone who will die in a week, what about a month, a year? The fact is you cannot quantify human life. One day, one hour, one minute could be worth living for. Are we willing to kill people because of an estimation of how long someone might live? *Example of inaccuracy of life estimates.* * # statistic here* completely healthy people will die tomorrow in accidents. Does that mean their life has no value today??

Lets look at the case of severe disability.

Great, now my coffee buzz is wearing off and I'm having trouble. I find I write better when under the influence of chemicals. Otherwise I get really nervous and can't come up with anything to say.

Wow

2007-03-08T01:49:52Z

I just finished my first Modern World test and found out it was my LAST!!

I got an incomplete in this course before. I only had one test and one paper to write. I gave up on having my previous tests count because I don't have the tests anymore. And I didn't want to ask for any special treatment. I'm tired of asking for stuff.

I finish this test and the teacher asks me how many tests I took last time. I said, "All but the final exam." So he said, "This one will be your final exam." COOL. I'm done. (By the way, the final in this class is worth the same as the other tests - I think - I should check on that. I hope so. I don't think I did stellar on this one.)

But anyway, it's over-with. One eight page paper and I'm done with Modern World.

Kinda strange though. He teaches the material in the same order. I took two tests on the beginning of civilization, and won't take any on the most modern material.

Future

2007-03-06T19:33:22Z

Next December I will be graduating. If I work at it I might achieve Summa Cum Laude. And I will have no job prospects. I am a worse student than I was 3 years ago. In the past semester and a half, I have forged no communication between my professors and myself. Have looked into nothing more than necessary to pass my classes. Have had no extra curricular activities, academic or otherwise. No networking, no independent research, no career interests. My passion for academics has gone out of me, and my future will suffer.

What am I going to do after graduation? What am I going to do this summer?? I keep thinking I am going to do an internship, but have made no attempt to choice one, let alone apply. I keep saying I have no time. Am I really that much busier than I used to be? Did I use to just sleep less? Rightfully, I am more busy. I have a part time job, I have to spend time grocery shopping and cooking, I babysit my niece. It adds up. And I think I did sleep a lot less when I first went to college. But somehow I managed to do more homework than I'm doing now, hang out with friends, and run a club.

I planned this semester to give me more time. But the more time I have, the more things I find myself agreeing to fill it with.

I guess it comes down to priorities. I find myself giving priority to my classes, my job, babysitting my niece, and religious stuff. What things should I be prioritizing? Homework. Planning my future. Spending time with friends. Doing active things.

But I don't want to take out any of the former things. I can't make everything the priority.

I wish I could be as passionate about things as I used to. I am having trouble in Seminar in Biology because there is no subject I want to talk about to the class.

I'm not depressed. I don't think I'm depressed. Most of the time I feel pretty cheerful, but I have some symptoms of depression. Lack of interest. Things that are supposed to excite me just don't. I went caving last semester. The first time I went caving (a few years ago), it was one of the best experiences of my life. I loved it! Last semester, it was okay. I could take it or leave it. I backed out of a ski trip this semester (with good reason - a friend invited me to something important), but I can't help wondering that maybe I didn't really want to go. I was afraid that something I had always wanted to do would be boring once I got there. That I can't be excited with things that should make me excited.

I feel like I'm trying to protect myself. I can't handle the kind of pain I experienced. I want to never feel that again. So I can't let myself get attached to things. I can't like anything so much that I can't afford to lose it. Whether it be a person, or an activity. Anything. Because I can't guarantee that I won't lose it.

I give myself scenarios - what if this horrible thing were to happen to me? Would I be okay? As far as I can figure, I can handle most anything. The possible exceptions are: apocalypse, impending death, and physical disability. The only thing I can't emotionally separate myself from is myself. If I were to lose me, I'd be upset. Anything else I could live with.

This is good. It means I can function. Go on in this world. But it means I don't love anything.

Wild Turkeys!

2007-03-02T16:17:46Z

This morning I had to brake for a wild turkey crossing!

life is weird

2007-03-01T03:02:36Z

Yesterday evening I planned out today. I had to write a lab report for today, study for my MOW test, go to orgo class this morning, talk to the teacher afterward about what I had missed, talk to my lab teacher about what to do in lab today (I missed class Wed and Mon because I was trying to get something else figured out), go to lab, study some more for MOW test, and then take test. It was long and busy, but I thought I could pull it off. Last night around 9PM I found out I didn't have Orgo class this morning. I had an Orgo TEST. Orgo is my hardest course. Possibly the hardest course offered at New Paltz. I flipped out. By the time I'd calmed down, I lost the time I was supposed to be writing my lab report, so I flipped some more. Then I went to bed.

Today was damage control. I convinced myself, that regardless of what happens today, I will still pass all of my classes (provided I show up), so I formulated a plan to lose as few points on my average as possible. (Without losing sleep, or missing meals). I studied Orgo for an hour and a half and then went to the test. I answered as much as I could figure out - I am estimating a 75% on the test (Wow, my teacher grades fast - 73), and then left the test to do my lab report (in a half an hour). Somehow in there I crammed down a sandwich. Then lab.

Okay let me explain Lab. Last week I missed lab. So I figure that's one zero. However, now my previous lab report is one week late - he might not accept. Zero number two. Last week we were given the information for today's lab so I might not be able to do it. Zero number three. So far, this teacher has shown little leniency on such matters. That stinks. Three zeros for one absence. I didn't think that was fair, and was going to do everything in my power to prevent it. So I show up with rushed, week-late lab report in hand. Come up to the teacher. "Goodlife, you weren't here last week." "No, I couldn't make it." "You've got a problem. Today's experiment is using the product from last week. You can't do it." I had realized this. "I was hoping I could join up with another group" (I happen to not have a lab partner, so when I was absent, nothing was done). "No, I won't allow that." "You will have to do last week's experiment."

Oh. Okay. That's fine with me. That's not two zeros. That's only one. (I still hadn't tried to hand in the previous lab). So I get to it. And I have class full of people who have already done it to help me out. Later, he does indeed accept my week-old lab. Half-way through the lab, he suggests maybe I could get through both parts in one class if I'm fast. (I'm not fast.) I try, but really don't get close. At the end of lab, he asks me if I want to come to one of the other labs to do part 2. Wow. That is surprisingly lenient. Sure, I'll come in on Friday. Now my three zeros are no zeros. I will get three grades. That turned out pretty well.

Next comes MOW. I spend 4:00 to 6:30 studying for my MOW test. Not enough time at all because I don't pay any attention in that class. The material is too darn boring. My strategy is to get the review sheet for the test. It contains 7 questions of which four will be on the actual test (essay questions). I plan for those 7 and ignore the rest of the course. Works if I get the review sheet a week beforehand and don't have a Orgo test pop up out of nowhere. I go in at 6:30 ready-ish. No test today. No regular class today. Our professor has postponed the test and sent us to see a movie in LC 108.

Like I said, what a weird day. The one hard thing I had to do today I didn't find out about until last night, and the other two evaporated as the day went on...

Sledding

2007-02-22T23:45:45Z

Today I went sledding with my niece, Abigail. We went down that really big hill near the intersection of 299 and 9W. I think this is going to be a regular Thursday morning activity. Not necessarily the sledding, but the Abigail.

Hey, here are some pictures of me at the groundbreaking for the new Chabad Student Center. (Look for #34): http://www.chabadofnewpaltz.com/templates/photogallery/slideshow.asp?AID=478867

If you are interested in what they are building here are the plans:
http://www1.clhosting.org/media/av/118/QvmP1182121.swf

Presentations

2007-02-21T19:22:56Z

I have been having an unusual amount of trouble with my biology presentation class. I can't seem to make a decent presentation, which means that I only have a crappy one when I come to present. Which means I do a horrible job. The whole thing makes me very nervous and stressed out, thus making it harder to make a decent presentation, as well as do anything else in life.

So today I will solve this problem. It has been decreed.

Biology topics of interest. I am highly interested in the origin of man. I feel the scientists have done a very unconvincing job of explaining human evolution. I want to explore new hypothesis’s. Also of interest: Man’s uniqueness (or lack thereof). All the things that make human’s what they are: hands, language, cognition (how would we know if another species had this?), technology, domestication, socialization. All of these are not unique to humans. Hands – many apes (some have them as feet as well). Language – many can learn (parrots, chimps, etc), few spontaneously create – dolphins, maybe whales too. Cognition – how can we know? Technology – termites, chimps, beavers. The problem for most of these species, is that without language, it can only go so far. Domestication – ants to aphids, or even protecting the trees they live on. Socialization – all ants, bees. Much more so than us. They CAN’T live without each other. They are social to the point that you can consider them one large, multi-bodied organism. What am I talking about lack of interest?? I could do ten presentations at least on the ideas in this paragraph. And there is more.

Swimming babies. Our natural affinity for water – unusual among primates. Is there ocean in our evolutionary past??

I am pushing myself to keep going. I want to prove a point. NO. Pick one of these.

Scratch evolution of man – what I want to talk about no information exists on.

Hands – I love hands, but I already tried this. I couldn’t pin down what I wanted to say about them.

Language – this topic has promise. Pick 1 animal and discuss language. Parrots – recently it was discovered that they actually do know what they are saying. Most people in the class probably don’t know this. Chimps – no, everyone’s heard about the signing chimps and I don’t have anything new to tell them. Dolphins – no, we still don’t know anything about their language.

Okay – I have one possibility so far. Keep going. (I’m scared that even that I 1 won’t be able to find enough info on or 2 won’t find as interesting as I though it would be.) Okay, keep going.

Cognition – though there is nothing definitive yet I’m sure, there is probably lots of research on this matter. I could look into it.

Animal Intelligence – Not labeled above. But I would be interested in looking into this.

Technology – I bet I could talk for ten minutes on how a termite mound is built. Pick one technology. Don’t be afraid you can’t talk for long enough and lump them together.

Ants and trees is a great topic. My mom used to have book on it. (The secret life of ants? – it was called something like that.)

I wonder if I could find information on the concept I have – an entire hive is one organism.

Another topic of interest – different people have different languages because we have different things to say. But this doesn’t necessarily fall in biology. (It does in my head and relates back to animal language – what do they want to communicate? But I can do better for the purpose of this class.)

I am finding what my major problems are. 1 I don’t like to talk about other peoples ideas. I like to talk about my own. Pulling bits and pieces from this and that and suggesting things. But this is much more difficult. Harder to be convincing. Doesn’t take ten minutes. And doesn’t really have a place in a scientific presentation. If I have my own idea, what research am I planning to do?? If I have my own idea, what facts support it? Explaining my ideas is not for a presentation. It’s for daily conversation. Unfortunately, I don’t have that daily conversation, and I’m asking more of myself than this class requires. Stop being bold. I know you want bigger and better things. But I must admit I don’t have down the basic concept of the public presentation, so I can’t manipulate it into what I want.

Problem number two – I am afraid that I can’t make any topic last for ten minutes. How much could I possibly have to say?? I think here too my intelligence is getting in my way. I can’t see the worth in repeating another person’s knowledge. If something is out there to be researched, then my classmates can go research it. The fact that they haven’t yet is proof that they don’t care. What service am I doing by relating something they can figure out without me? What is my purpose?? And here is where the only answer I can come up with is the grade. I want a grade, I have to do a bunch of presentations. I want to get better at presentations, I have to do more presentations. But without any purpose but “practice” it is impossible for me to do a good job.

I summarize the heck out of everything because I feel useless if I don’t have the information come out of my brain somewhat changed from when it went in. After the summary, my presentation is only 3 minutes long. I don’t know how to talk for ten minutes. I can talk for an hour on a subject back and forth. I feed off of other people’s knowledge and ideas.

What if someone asks me to teach them something. Let’s take something easy – Soo Bahk Do. I do the form, slowly, move by move and have them follow along. I demonstrate because it is necessary in the beginning. After that I do it because it is fun and still helpful. But the center of teaching is having them do it. Not me doing it.

Okay. What if someone asks me to demonstrate a form? Completely me. The audience takes no part in this. I could do this for hours on end. The same material over and over, or new material just providing I had enough. I would not get shy or nervous. But this doesn’t require me to speak. We all know things get harder when I’m required to speak.

Okay, what if I was asked to demonstrate a form and announce what I was doing every step of the way?? Well, it would be tiring, but let’s take a look at the logistics of it. I think this is close to what a presentation is. It is not a lesson. It is a demonstration of knowledge. The audience can learn, but that is not its primary goal. Its primary goal is to display your knowledge. This is not an ego thing. It sounds like it, but in just as in Soo Bahk Do, I attempt to show the beauty and truth of the form, in a presentation, I try to show the beauty and truth of the knowledge. It is the knowledge that is on display, not me. If I am congratulated, I succeeded in revealing the awesomeness of the knowledge. If I fail, maybe the knowledge has no beauty, maybe I myself failed to grasp its beauty, maybe I failed to transmit its beauty. I am a vessel. To make a successful presentation, I must first decide what is worth transmitting, and then I must make myself a proper vessel for its transmission (I.e. Research).

I am worried about time. I am worried about time because I never pre-ran my previous presentations. Fill yourself full of knowledge, and then time how long it takes to convey that. I will be able to talk for ten minutes (and later twenty) if I fill myself with knowledge. I will be able to write notes that will keep me on track if I fill myself with knowledge.

Emily is playing with language

2007-02-08T22:07:57Z

So a,m ple;ning an d;vel;ping ma, on le,ngwij. A, hta;t a, wud ta,p ; lit;l av th; f;netiks part e;nd s, w;t it felt la,k. A, htink it w;rks b;t a, mis kam;z alred,. A, r,l, la,k kam; fur "ee" so a, htink a, wil yu;z "/" fur kam;z.

"So/ a,m ple;ning an d;vel;ping ma, on le,ngwij." A, htink tha;t w;rks bet;r. Oke,! A;lf;bet doun!

Alred, htis luks imposib;l tu; r,d e;nd a, ha;vent ,ven started on th; le,ngwij part!

Htis kre,z,nes me,ks m, gid,!

-Em

Part 2 - S;m W;rds (Part 2 - Some Words)

u - I, me
y, - you
oum - we, us
;ndink - inner turmoil, frustration, anger, out of sinc with the world
shu;m - inner peace
kaca, - bliss, ecstasy, happiness, giddy
sha, - comfort, happiness, pleasant
da, - helping out
gkarra - righteous labor, working with joy
gk,rrya - job, work, occupation (it can be gkarra if you make it so)
u;w, - food
am - eat
l,gl, - monsters
alamn, - to want to do (so far you can't want things, only to do things) (also - you can't "have to do things" Take responsibility for your actions.)
za, - to make, create, form (creation from something to something else)
a,m, - home
za,za, - to make in general rather than to make________.
le;min - sleep
le;minmin - sleepy
-il - with, about
la,mo - office work as a job
da,mo - housework as a job
caro - outdoors or physical work as a job
kla,mo - laboratory work as a job
la,m - office chores
da,m - house chores
car; - outdoors or physical activities
kla,m - lab chores
jhafa - My New Language!

Now I can say things like, "U le;minmin. U sha,il jhafa!"

Clearly, I need more words.

EDIT: A pronunciation key was requested. (I might add though, that this will be quite useless, because while the idea of developing my own languages still captivates me, I have resolved to find better things to do with my time.)

a; - in apple
e, - in eight
e - in bet
, - in eat
i - in him
a, - in life
a - in hot
o - in go
u - in good
u; - in food

; - in fun
au - in how
oa - in thought
o, - in adroit
e; - in yeah

b-b, d-d, f-f, h-h, j-j, k-k, l-l, m-m, n-n, p-p, r-r, s-s, t-t, v-v, z-z.

g - in game, gk - cross between g and k, gg - guteral r in Hebrew, jh - in seizure, rr - rolling r in Spanish, tz - in tzadik, w - in wise, y - in yes, th - in the, ht - in think, c - ch, kh - in challah, sh - sh.

";r" or just plain "r" - in her
ar - in car
,r - in ear
e;r - in there
er - in error
or - in for